In a world filled with misinformation, unrealistic media portrayals, and taboo discussions surrounding intimacy, it’s time to go back to the basics. Understanding the fundamentals of consent, pleasure, and your sexual self can lead to a more fulfilling and confident experience in your life.
What does sex mean to you? While sex has been an evolutionary requirement, ironically, the concept of sex has many misconceptions – and that’s a good thing! Sex is a personal experience, so it should look differently for everybody – and as long as you are not hurting yourself or others, we will never “yuck your yum.”
A, B, C is for Consent
We must start by saying that consent is essential to understanding, respect, and mutual agreement.
Consent is an ongoing, enthusiastic, and informed agreement between all parties involved and is not only for sexual-related activities. For instance, consent is obtained before a medical exam or prior to participating in research.
Consent is a fundamental aspect of any intimate experience. Sex without consent is illegal – but that’s a topic for another day.
Enthusiastic consent ensures that all experiences are mutually enjoyable and respectful.
Always remember: The absence of “No” does not mean “Yes”.
Here’s what you need to know about consent:
(it may be helpful to remember this as the FRIES acronym)
- Freely Given: Consent should never feel coerced, pressured, or forced.
- Reversible: Consent is not permanent. Anyone can change their mind at any time, even during an intimate act.
- Informed: All people involved should have a clear understanding of what they are consenting to.
- Enthusiastic: True consent is given with excitement and willingness, not with reluctance or hesitation.
- Specific: Agreeing to one act does not mean agreeing to anything and everything – each activity requires its own consent.
Having open and honest conversations about consent ensures that all experiences are safe, respectful, and enjoyable for all.
Elements of Pleasure
Pleasure isn’t only about physical sensations – it’s a combination of psychological, emotional, and physiological factors.
Here are some examples of how you can enhance your sexual pleasure:
- Mind-Body Awareness: Understanding what feels good and paying attention to bodily sensations can heighten arousal. The ability to know what feels good to you (and what doesn’t feel as pleasurable) is crucial for increasing your overall sexual satisfaction.
Do you know what you like, sexually? See this past blog to help you on this important journey:
- Foreplay Matters: Take your time with non-genital touching, kissing, and verbal stimulation. The act of foreplay increases your sexual arousal and connection with your partner.
- Relaxation & Arousal: A relaxed state enhances sensitivity, while stress and anxiety can inhibit pleasure.
ORGASM IS NOT THE GOAL!
Read that again. Settle in that thought. When you engage in sexual intimacy, is an orgasm always the goal for you and/or your partner(s)? You may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Try having other sexual intimacy goals – what about creating the expectation of increasing pleasure, connection, or sensual sensations? Having these other sexual goals may increase sexual satisfaction and create a more overall positive experience.
However, let’s say you want to orgasm – how do we make that happen?
The Importance of Foreplay
First and foremost, let’s talk more about relaxation. You may find that it is easier for you to achieve orgasm when you are relaxed. If your body is feeling tense, physically or mentally, you may find it more difficult for you to orgasm. A traditional way to relax in a sexual setting is through foreplay.
Just like with sex, foreplay looks different for everybody. There is no right or wrong way to have foreplay, so let your imagination run wild. There should be no rush in regard to foreplay –
There are various forms and types of foreplay:
- Verbal Foreplay: Words of affirmation, expressing sexual desires, and engaging in playful conversation.
Tip: Telling your partner what you want and how you want it can be SEXY (and take some pressure off your partner, too!). Sharing what you enjoy with a partner through open conversation enhances connection and sexual intimacy.
- Physical Foreplay: This could include touching, massaging, kissing, and stimulating erogenous zones beyond the genitals.
Learn more about Erogenous Zones and other sexy body parts in our previous blog:
- Sensory Play: Engaging the senses with blindfolds, feathers, ice, or scented oils can heighten pleasure. The key is to use your other senses beyond touch – try also incorporating smells, sounds, sights, and tastes.
Need some inspiration? Check out our Intimacy Devices and CBD Intimacy Body Care products.
- Mental Stimulation: Reading erotica, engaging in fantasies, or using roleplay can ignite excitement and deepen your sexual connection.
Foreplay is an essential part of sexual pleasure as it is known to build anticipation, enhance arousal, and increase overall sexual satisfaction. Taking your time to enjoy the foreplay process not only enhances physical pleasure but also strengthens the emotional intimacy between partners.
How to: Orgasm
Orgasms are a natural and healthy part of sexual well-being. However, achieving orgasm varies from person to person.
Remember: If it doesn’t happen, that’s okay too! Pleasure leads to satisfaction, even if orgasm does not occur.
Solo Exploration: Understanding your body is key to sexual satisfaction. Masturbation allows you to discover what feels good and can increase your confidence.
Experimenting with yourself can help you know what you like when you’re with another person.
- For Vulva Owners:
- Clitoral stimulation is the most common path to orgasm during self-play, but oftentimes, not during intercourse. Many times, the clitoris is either forgotten or simply not known about for its magical ways. Try it out, see for yourself. (1)
- Internal stimulation (such as the G-spot) can also enhance pleasure.
- (Just the) Tip: The G-spot is about 2 inches deep into your vagina and may feel different than the surrounding area; many people say it feels “spongy”.
- Experimenting with different touches, rhythms, and pressures can increase your self-awareness.
- Strengthening pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises can improve orgasm quality.
- Learn More about your pelvic floor and how to do kegels.
- Try out our Kegel Cherries!
- For Penis Owners:
- Understanding personal arousal patterns helps enhance pleasure.
- Varying speed, grip, and rhythm can prolong or intensify orgasms.
- Penis owners can do kegels, too, to help improve orgasm control.
Research shows that cannabis also helps you orgasm!
Partnered Play: Once you know your body, what it likes (and what it doesn’t prefer), will help guide you when engaging in sexual activities with others. This can be achieved through effective communication and guidance between you and your partner(s). If you know how to make yourself orgasm during solo play, you are more likely to orgasm with a partner.
The Takeaway
Pleasure and sexual satisfaction are deeply personal, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. By embracing communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to explore, you can cultivate a satisfying and empowered sex life. It all starts with going back to basics – understanding your body, your desires, and the knowledge to make it happen.
References
- Shirazi, T., Renfro, K. J., Lloyd, E., & Wallen, K. (2018). Women’s Experience of Orgasm During Intercourse: Question Semantics Affect Women’s Reports and Men’s Estimates of Orgasm Occurrence. Archives of sexual behavior, 47(3), 605–613. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-1102-6
